I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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