you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize