his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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