What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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