Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
