The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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