Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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