Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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