At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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