Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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