Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
