he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
