You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
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She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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