bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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