Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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