i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
