I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
