9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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