thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
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Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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