I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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