Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
