I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
hell yes lets make some ravioli
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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