It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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