I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
