love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
