i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
