Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize