Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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