Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
