I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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