I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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