....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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