It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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