That's when you crack a 10am beer
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
