Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
