Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip