Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
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She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.