She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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