Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
