If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize