Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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