Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
