My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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