Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
