thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
How does it feel to date your dad?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
