my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
COCAINE IS GR8
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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