Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize