i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
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If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son