I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on