I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish you could order shots online.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.