What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks