Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
