I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize