the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
